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To believe is to “accept (something) as true; feel sure of the truth of,” so if God is the truth, then why must we feel that we are lacking if we are truly living in His truth? Why can’t this truth be absolute in our minds, silencing the background noise that restrict us? Why then, must our curiosity lead us astray? I am on a journey to find the truth. I want to know if “you truly believe, is it possible to have the desires of your heart?” Not the watered down, had to make accommodations type blessing, but truly – the pure desires of your heart? If you believe, is it possible for God to hear your sincerity and deliver?

I am doing experiments and observing people in my environment and here's what I found:

  1. People believe but are not active followers

  2. People believe but do not discuss their beliefs

  3. Some have no ideologies or clarity about their beliefs

  4. Some people are spiritually passive, self-directing their own life

  5. Some people use to believe, believe that God did not deliver and therefore, no longer believe

  6. Some people want to believe, but don’t know where to start

Through my observations, I personally struggle with processing and understanding people that fall into categories #1 and #3 and #4. Those that do not have that strong spiritual foundation, yet are blessed by the things I desire and have tirelessly prayed for, ignite my curiosity. And even my frustrations. But as I’ve learned, I can not control others and certain circumstances, but I can change my thoughts, judgment and reaction.

To speak in psychology terms:

Antecedent (person, place, thing, activity, etc. that precedes/causes a behavior): Prayer not being answered

Behavior (action, feeling or emotion expressed triggered by antecedent): Complaining, feeling frustrated and lacking patience in thoughts and emotions

Consequences (results of behavior): Feeling overwhelmed, overlooking blessings and the ways that God has delivered

Please dear God, release me from these feelings. Release me from the feelings of fear and doubt and replace them with gratitude and patience. Help me to see the lesson in my pain. Help me see the lesson where I see nothing. Help me discern where You are in this process so that I will know what to do and how to feel and what to learn. Help me to process this in a way that makes You proud. Please replace every maladaptive thought with pro-social thoughts and behaviors. Help me to display positive emotions that will lead to a greater well-being. Help me to see You, where I see darkness. Help me to receive the words that I type and digest them. Not just today, but every day. In every moment and in every breath. To believe, is to know that you are worthy and that you are worth it.

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